From Silence to Strength: Richard Gadd's Inspiring Story in Netflix's Baby Reindeer
This short series is one that definitely took me by surprise watching it. I decided to go into it without knowing much about what it’s about. I read a bit about the synopsis and saw it was about the bartender having a stalker but I’m sure anyone that’s seen it knows the plot is a rollercoaster.
The creator, Richard Gadd basically reenacts his life story in this series and I think we can all say it must be traumatizing to go through these terrifying moments of your life all over again. When I started the show, I immediately blamed Gadd for the situation he got himself in. In the beginning, we see Gadd’s character show kindness to a distraught woman who came into the bar. The woman, Martha, somehow found comfort in this and became a regular. Now this is all innocent at first but there are scenes where he could’ve shut down anything romantic but seemed to indulge Martha’s advances. This is the part that initially defined the show for me. I thought to myself, “Here men go again leading women on that they have no interest in.” I get that he didn’t want to crush her feelings but it’s more hurtful to lead someone on and than to be honest about your feelings. The person will be crushed at first but will respect your feelings.
The series however took a turn of events when Gadd tried to create this distance between him and Martha. After some research, it turned out that she had a criminal past and has been down this stalker road before. She was so good at it that Gadd experienced complications when reporting her to the police. But a key point here is that it took him a long time before he could bring himself to report the case. This was due to past trauma he had also had. Martha recognized this and I think this is part of the reason they were connected somehow. He saw that she was just as broken and somehow thought he deserved all that was coming to him. The delay in reporting also highlighted a key problem in society which is the stigma that comes when men report sexual harassment. We saw how the world reacted when Terry Crews shared his story. We hear stories all the time about men that talk about losing their virginity to “older women”. This can sometimes be an ego boost and contributes to the failure to report these cases. When fighting toxic masculinity, these are the issues that cause barriers to breaking these toxic mindsets down. Gadd’s experience with Martha was not the only one, he had previously been sexually assaulted by a TV writer while unconscious and we don’t see him report this even at the end when he gets better and gets on track with his life. Instead, we see him accepting a job offer from his abuser at the end. The ending was open ended but as viewers we hope that Gadd doesn’t fall back into the same patterns.
Baby Reindeer offered a lot of eye openers about trauma and an insight on how some people cope with sexual assault. The sad part is not everyone gets through this. A past like this can derail one’s life. It is somewhat comforting that Gadd was able to tell his story and get the TV deal he’s dreamed of. If you or anyone you know is suffering from assault, here’s a place to start.